Carolina Homecoming
I am posting this blog to hopefully give other people a kick out of what our group of friends do. Keep an open mind, keep up with the updates and you might get a glimpse of our world which we find trivial, and down right hilarious. We may be a little crazy, have a slight problem with alcohol, and have healthy issues with women just like 2nd graders but we are loving every minute of it. I hope you enjoy and I hope that you keep up with us. All commments are welcome and this will be updated everytime we go out. Enjoy.
Well, another Gamecock Saturday has come and gone, and this one had an added twist: Everyone involved on Saturday night set new record highs with their personal "drunkability" and luckily, yours truly brought along a notepad to record the evening's events. I think where the night took a dangerous turn was everyone being about a day's worth of drinks in before even going downtown....This email doesn't involve Trey or Lynn, b/c they were missing all night. Also, the events are what I remember most, but the times could be completely wrong.
10:41 - I arrive at Nuts house, open the door, and immediately hear an excited Nuts exclaiming that he was going to drink everyone under the table tonight. He has a striped shirt on, and where I come from...that means that you mean business. After everyone in the house applied enough hair product, cologne, and black shiny shoes to themselves make a Yankee proud...we were off. But not before "sick Watson" took his 19th shit of the day, to the dismay of Nuts' bathroom. "Where's the Immodium?!?"
11:05 - I retrieve my debit card from Chubby's 17 by 92 and Wendell tells me to get my act together. I gave him an odd look and told him to turn up the Widespread.
11:07 - A frantic Pun is alone in Rocco's and has just made his third call in three minutes to my phone trying to locate someone he knows. I tell him to look around for Jose, last name Cuervo.
11:10 - We arrive at Rocco's, followed by Smalls, who is enjoying a 21st birthday and has made the mistake of coming out with us instead of his less "drink-tolerant" friends. His girlfriend tells me he may have made a mistake coming out to drink with us. Yep.
11:15 - Simmons shows up, sans-fiance, and quickly calls Poulson and Viren who are on their way...but they too have to find more hair gel, delaying arrival times. The table bet was they would show up at 1:15. My bid was 1:24...I know how long it takes to get hair gel correctly set.
11:45 - Pun announces that if he dies...he automatically wins the drinking contest, over Nuts (who would eventually come in a shameful and distant 22nd). Smalls gives his girlfriend a concerned look and starts auditioning bar patrons to be his "friends for the night."
12:15 - We do the first Tequila shot of the night...and Poulson has to fight to keep it down. He asks for a milkshake or a seltzer water to chase it with.
12:27 - We are on to Chubbys 83 by 67 where Poulson claims he doesn't need another drink and Viren complains of stomach ulcers if he drinks liquor. Pun, Simmons, and I quickly re-introduce them to Wendell who shouts "Thank God you guys are back!" Translation: "These guys are back in town? Chubbys will survive after all...even WITH the ridiculous name!" We do a tequila shot and order two liquor drinks apiece. Nuts is blatantly hitting on girls at this point...
12:42 - Pun goes to the bar around the same time as Simmons, and seven Lemon Drops and six Jager Bombs are set on the bar, along with two drinks apiece for almost every man in attendance and a pack of Malboro Lights. I'm starting to be concerned with our safety tonight, and Megan is looking for a cab to get Smalls away from us. For the first night in months, Deb shows up AFTER the point where Pun is too drunk to care. He's checking his pants for piss as he does his 19th shot of the night.
12:52 - Poulson tells me he's concerned about me and Pun, and will be staging an intervention. I buy him another two Beam and Cokes...and he starts to get the look in his eye. Megan ushers Smalls out the door...his dignity left in the back of the bar, on a hook next the dignity of just about everyone we know and a few scattered sigma numbers.
1:47 - I apologize for the time gap, but I think we all blacked out.
1:48 - Poulson gives the obligatory "I'm Back!" shout and high fives Simmons, who is checking the ID's of the girls he's talking too...making sure none are over the age of 19. I think he even pulled out a few "Drunk Simmons Points along with the "You're Tired!" war cry." Kelly Bessent tells us that "we're fun". By fun she means....have drinking problems.
1:55 - People try to usher us out of the bar - to Pun's dismay. We start the "Do you know who I am!" and "People know me!" talk, but apparently keeping a bar in business from 1999 - 2004 doesn't get you in after hours. But I hear we get free games of Galaga and Ms. Pac Man...so all is well. Bastards.
2:05 - We are kings and the streets of 5 Points are our domain. We decide on our next location - Platinum Plus...and secretly, everyone knew the night just took a bad turn. Pun shouts "The Night Has Gone Awry!" We ignore him and go to Wachovia to drain the savings accounts. Note: Wachovia ATMS do not accept Belk cards.
2:21 - I apparently text message Mcgee and told him we were headed to the strip club with our pinky fingers up in the air.
2:55 - We arrive at Platinum.
3:00 - We've been at Platinum for five minutes, and Viren, Plyler, and Pun have all already left for the back room. Poulson buys 20 draft beers and strippers make their way over to our table; apparently where the "ballers" are sitting. I make it two more minutes before my lap dance begins. Poulson would make it 15 minutes, only b/c I bought his, and I was away for a little while.
3:04 - Is there anything you can say when a stripper says "I know you want to f*** me..." other than just sitting there with a goofy grin on your face? If she puts your hands on certain locations of her soft and nice smelling body - is the "no touching rule" thereby broken? Does anyone NOT feel like a pimp when a naked girl you don't know wants to dance on your crotch? These are questions I need answered...
3:42 - Poulson and I have fallen in love with the stripper at our table. Simmons is expressing his love to our waitress who "he used to have class with" and Plyler and Nuts are next to the cage having breasts rubbed all over them...again...with that goofy smile on.
3:50 - Watson asks everyone at the table for 50 dollars so he can get a two girl lap dance. Honestly, we all would have given it to him...had we not spent it already.
4:02 - Poulson tells a stripper I am the man to talk too about a private dance with a bunch of us and a bunch of girls in the champagne room, and I am attempting to negotiate the champagne room charge down to 350 dollars for five guys from the 400 she is saying now (knowing damn well there is NO chance of us buying one)...but instead of talking to her...I am talking to her crotch and that is making my negotiations difficult. Viren is enjoying a table dance with an Indian stripper who appears to "really like him". I suppose his bank roll is also attractive to her.
4:15 - Simmons - "I love our waitress."
Poulson - "You're engaged."
Simmons - "Oh."
4:35 - I make Liver take me home b/c I have spent my allotted money, plus some more, plus some of Nuts', and Watson keeps asking me for 50 dollars and I may go to the ATM b/c he's my buddy. Pun stays with Poulson and Simmons, who is still trying to figure out the right angle with the waitress. In the meantime, he just keeps buying jello shots from her, ensuring her return to our table every five minutes. He, however, is totally wasted and starting to lose his vocabulary.
4:45 - My pants are completely ripped in the back...and I'm not sure how it happened. I have no idea what happened to my friends after we left them at the club...but seeing as how Pun called me at 12:30 Sunday afternoon...I'm assuming he's ok.
1:37 PM Sunday - WHAT HAPPENED TO TREY AND LYNN!?!?!?!?!
P.S. You might not have a grasp on who people are but keep reading this and youll catch on.
Well, another Gamecock Saturday has come and gone, and this one had an added twist: Everyone involved on Saturday night set new record highs with their personal "drunkability" and luckily, yours truly brought along a notepad to record the evening's events. I think where the night took a dangerous turn was everyone being about a day's worth of drinks in before even going downtown....This email doesn't involve Trey or Lynn, b/c they were missing all night. Also, the events are what I remember most, but the times could be completely wrong.
10:41 - I arrive at Nuts house, open the door, and immediately hear an excited Nuts exclaiming that he was going to drink everyone under the table tonight. He has a striped shirt on, and where I come from...that means that you mean business. After everyone in the house applied enough hair product, cologne, and black shiny shoes to themselves make a Yankee proud...we were off. But not before "sick Watson" took his 19th shit of the day, to the dismay of Nuts' bathroom. "Where's the Immodium?!?"
11:05 - I retrieve my debit card from Chubby's 17 by 92 and Wendell tells me to get my act together. I gave him an odd look and told him to turn up the Widespread.
11:07 - A frantic Pun is alone in Rocco's and has just made his third call in three minutes to my phone trying to locate someone he knows. I tell him to look around for Jose, last name Cuervo.
11:10 - We arrive at Rocco's, followed by Smalls, who is enjoying a 21st birthday and has made the mistake of coming out with us instead of his less "drink-tolerant" friends. His girlfriend tells me he may have made a mistake coming out to drink with us. Yep.
11:15 - Simmons shows up, sans-fiance, and quickly calls Poulson and Viren who are on their way...but they too have to find more hair gel, delaying arrival times. The table bet was they would show up at 1:15. My bid was 1:24...I know how long it takes to get hair gel correctly set.
11:45 - Pun announces that if he dies...he automatically wins the drinking contest, over Nuts (who would eventually come in a shameful and distant 22nd). Smalls gives his girlfriend a concerned look and starts auditioning bar patrons to be his "friends for the night."
12:15 - We do the first Tequila shot of the night...and Poulson has to fight to keep it down. He asks for a milkshake or a seltzer water to chase it with.
12:27 - We are on to Chubbys 83 by 67 where Poulson claims he doesn't need another drink and Viren complains of stomach ulcers if he drinks liquor. Pun, Simmons, and I quickly re-introduce them to Wendell who shouts "Thank God you guys are back!" Translation: "These guys are back in town? Chubbys will survive after all...even WITH the ridiculous name!" We do a tequila shot and order two liquor drinks apiece. Nuts is blatantly hitting on girls at this point...
12:42 - Pun goes to the bar around the same time as Simmons, and seven Lemon Drops and six Jager Bombs are set on the bar, along with two drinks apiece for almost every man in attendance and a pack of Malboro Lights. I'm starting to be concerned with our safety tonight, and Megan is looking for a cab to get Smalls away from us. For the first night in months, Deb shows up AFTER the point where Pun is too drunk to care. He's checking his pants for piss as he does his 19th shot of the night.
12:52 - Poulson tells me he's concerned about me and Pun, and will be staging an intervention. I buy him another two Beam and Cokes...and he starts to get the look in his eye. Megan ushers Smalls out the door...his dignity left in the back of the bar, on a hook next the dignity of just about everyone we know and a few scattered sigma numbers.
1:47 - I apologize for the time gap, but I think we all blacked out.
1:48 - Poulson gives the obligatory "I'm Back!" shout and high fives Simmons, who is checking the ID's of the girls he's talking too...making sure none are over the age of 19. I think he even pulled out a few "Drunk Simmons Points along with the "You're Tired!" war cry." Kelly Bessent tells us that "we're fun". By fun she means....have drinking problems.
1:55 - People try to usher us out of the bar - to Pun's dismay. We start the "Do you know who I am!" and "People know me!" talk, but apparently keeping a bar in business from 1999 - 2004 doesn't get you in after hours. But I hear we get free games of Galaga and Ms. Pac Man...so all is well. Bastards.
2:05 - We are kings and the streets of 5 Points are our domain. We decide on our next location - Platinum Plus...and secretly, everyone knew the night just took a bad turn. Pun shouts "The Night Has Gone Awry!" We ignore him and go to Wachovia to drain the savings accounts. Note: Wachovia ATMS do not accept Belk cards.
2:21 - I apparently text message Mcgee and told him we were headed to the strip club with our pinky fingers up in the air.
2:55 - We arrive at Platinum.
3:00 - We've been at Platinum for five minutes, and Viren, Plyler, and Pun have all already left for the back room. Poulson buys 20 draft beers and strippers make their way over to our table; apparently where the "ballers" are sitting. I make it two more minutes before my lap dance begins. Poulson would make it 15 minutes, only b/c I bought his, and I was away for a little while.
3:04 - Is there anything you can say when a stripper says "I know you want to f*** me..." other than just sitting there with a goofy grin on your face? If she puts your hands on certain locations of her soft and nice smelling body - is the "no touching rule" thereby broken? Does anyone NOT feel like a pimp when a naked girl you don't know wants to dance on your crotch? These are questions I need answered...
3:42 - Poulson and I have fallen in love with the stripper at our table. Simmons is expressing his love to our waitress who "he used to have class with" and Plyler and Nuts are next to the cage having breasts rubbed all over them...again...with that goofy smile on.
3:50 - Watson asks everyone at the table for 50 dollars so he can get a two girl lap dance. Honestly, we all would have given it to him...had we not spent it already.
4:02 - Poulson tells a stripper I am the man to talk too about a private dance with a bunch of us and a bunch of girls in the champagne room, and I am attempting to negotiate the champagne room charge down to 350 dollars for five guys from the 400 she is saying now (knowing damn well there is NO chance of us buying one)...but instead of talking to her...I am talking to her crotch and that is making my negotiations difficult. Viren is enjoying a table dance with an Indian stripper who appears to "really like him". I suppose his bank roll is also attractive to her.
4:15 - Simmons - "I love our waitress."
Poulson - "You're engaged."
Simmons - "Oh."
4:35 - I make Liver take me home b/c I have spent my allotted money, plus some more, plus some of Nuts', and Watson keeps asking me for 50 dollars and I may go to the ATM b/c he's my buddy. Pun stays with Poulson and Simmons, who is still trying to figure out the right angle with the waitress. In the meantime, he just keeps buying jello shots from her, ensuring her return to our table every five minutes. He, however, is totally wasted and starting to lose his vocabulary.
4:45 - My pants are completely ripped in the back...and I'm not sure how it happened. I have no idea what happened to my friends after we left them at the club...but seeing as how Pun called me at 12:30 Sunday afternoon...I'm assuming he's ok.
1:37 PM Sunday - WHAT HAPPENED TO TREY AND LYNN!?!?!?!?!
P.S. You might not have a grasp on who people are but keep reading this and youll catch on.
posted by Pun at 10/24/2005 10:30:00 PM
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