New Years

Words cannot explain in accurate detail the happenings on New Years night. I cannot start with the evening’s proceedings without incorporating the day in its entirety.

Once again Herreee we gooo…

The rustling of drunk people awake me from my drunk stupor that we will call sleep for the sake of relevance. Several times I remember screaming profanities as my head pounded and the only cure I knew at the time was unconsciousness. My efforts to sleep were subdued by the laughter, grunts, and the stench that I had made the night before in the trash can resting inches from my face. We rehashed New Years Eve Eve, and pieced together the night for our memories and the blog. (Why is the word blog not recognized by spell check yet?)

Paq, Dixon, and I began our Neanderthal search for food, wondering around Rock Hill like prehistoric cavemen, “Stop here, I smell beef!” We order 5 Sausage, egg, and cheese crosanwhiches, and end up with 5 sausage crosanwhiches, 3 orders of hashbrowns and two diet cokes. Apparently, in Rock Hill, you have to screw up 275 drive through orders to be demoted to trash disposal duty. I believe the person who waited on us was at a cool 215 fuck ups, because 3 cars besides ourselves were pulled over waiting on their food.

We ate, we shit, we watched Office Space, and some slept. Wait a minute; I should say attempted to sleep. If you are ever unfortunate enough, as I was this fateful day, to be in the same vicinity as Chris Anderson and Karen Zakawontshutthefuckup you will be unable to sleep through a hangover or do anything in peace. These two are quite possibly the loudest people I have ever met in my entire life. Why can’t you just shut the fuck up?

In an effort to rid ourselves from the madness, Paq, Lynn, Mcgee, Erin and myself made a valiant effort to make a clean break away for the hotel room, for some R&R and to reserve a sleeping spot for the night. Oh the things you will do for a pillow and a lumpy cum stained mattress. UGH! (Now that I think about it???)

Verdict: Effort thwarted, the crew had amassed only calling us assholes for leaving, cant we just sleep for five minutes.

Everyone began to dress for the night as we were to head to the local bar and restaurant for dinner and drinks. I was extremely surprised that our group was on time and just so happened to look quite fantastic if I do say so myself.

We played pool, drank, and allowed the other extension of our crew to assemble at the bar. Crew extension included: Marc Watson, Nicole, Viren, Nisha, and Daniel Plyler. Dinner and drinks went of without much of a hitch. Some of us were upset that on New Years Eve the restaurant could not sit 18 people together at one time at 8:00. Nuts, Mcgee, nor I were surprised. It does make sense.

We made our way over to Dixie’s and lined up for entry to the bar, as we had purchased tickets in advance, I feel sorry for the poor bastards that waited in line just to get in the damn bar. Earlier in the night we tried to get our group together for pictures but the scenery was not right, our excuse now was the fact that a few feet away was over priced alcohol and some of us couldn’t stay away.

We entered the bar and ordered the first round and absorbed the atmosphere of hot women, good music, and alcohol. All key ingredients for the night. After one drink all the pent up excitement I had held onto for the few weeks prior rushed through my veins along with the alcohol. Someone called me for my first tequila shot and I looked at the shot glass and called it a pussy. It looked extremely small, maybe a couple of ounces. I wasn’t used to the free pour system every where else in the country and while taking the shot had to gasp for air. The tequila went down smooth and harmless, actually it was quite tasty and only increased my HBPM. I was thoroughly excited. We sang to every song that we half way knew and continued to drink. I had begun to dance a little and was loosening up for the show on the main stage.

As I spun around and wiggled in place a big girl walked past or should I said was squeezing through. I stepped back and uttered the words “Hey baby, how you doing tonight?” She looked at me as if no male counterpart had ever spoken to her before, and a glazed look came over her eyes as if she was starring down the krispy kreme doughnut assembly line as the hot and fresh light burned through the foggy glass window. I walked away from the sitiation, afraid for my life.

Earlier in the night we were scarred or unconcerned about picture taking. For the rest of the night the area of the bar we occupied resemebled the red carpet in Hollywood. Everyone was jumping into a picture or snapping one off for the sake of taking up memory. If no one has coined it let me coin it right here in this blog because I do believe that my group of friends are Drunk snapshotters. There must have been close to 7 gigs of drunk snapshots, of the floor, blurry eyed people, titties, more titties, people humping each other, kromagnum man.

Well the dancing gets into full swing and there were good moves being laid out on the floor. (Julien where is pundances.com damnit.) At some point someones belt was off and within arm reach of my grabby hands. So I grabbed it and began to twist it around my head like it’s a helicopta. Dixon being the soberest out of the group was still so hurt from the night before that he elected not to drink even after I gave him the speech that went something like this. “I know exactly what you need to get your engine started my friend,” chest poke as I lean back and gather my composure and feet beneath my staggering top heavy upper body,” a big ole shot of tequila!” He looks at me and laughs and I don’t remember what he said but it was funny, but I digress. As I slang the chopper belt around my head I catch a glimpse of Dixon flinching with fear and motions for me to stop slanging. I looked at him like a scorn child beaten for opening his Christmas presents to soon. He points over my shoulder instructing me to look behind. As I turn around I see a nice dressed young man cowering in the only corner of the bar he had that was free from a lashing from the helicopta blade. I immediately handed the belt back to whoever I got it from and went about drinking as if nothing had happened.

I then made my way over to the bar only to be greeted by the big girl again, sheilding my face I turn and act engrossed in a deep conversation. Moments later I hear Karen screaming, "No I didn't." Immediately followed by someone else, maybe Joe saying, "Yes you did I saw you pop a squat right there up against the wall and piss!!!" My attention quickly shifted from eye level to the ground and to my suprise I standing in a puddle of steamy girl excriment. You are disgusting. I cannot believe that you pissed in a bar, I fully excpect that kind of behavior from a few of our male counterparts and in some drunken cases myself included. But you look like such a nice little innocent girl and yet when you open your mouth and pop squats in the middle of the bar with 100s of people within sight. What the fuck.

I would like to include at this point that later on that night
Mcgee came up to and said the faithful words
"Im so Sincere."
I then began to do my damndest to squeeze out what
water or liquid my bladder did comprise itself of.
I did not manage to piss in my pants but I did try.
I did it for you Mcgee, all for you.

I don’t remember much else in the bar besides these stray still shot memories,

- Pissing on a wet floor sign that was on top of the toilet

- Blatantly disregarding the No smoking section

- Telling the hottest girl in the bar that if she wanted my cigarette she had to kiss me and I mean now.

- Erin grabbing my ass and my retaliation

- Oggoling at the titties.

- Mcgee snapping a picture of Karen crying, then turning to me to scream I got the drama on film.

- Scotty doesn’t know. (there should be some evidence in the video we took)

- More titties.

- Big girl encounter number 3 of the night, only this time she was drooling, Holy Shit!

After leaving the bar we hiked a ways or what seemed like a ways to the best spot to get a cab voted on by the local bicycle police. Nuts passed out on a bench and we stood and fought for a cab for a few minutes. After some frame of time had passed, don’t ask me I don’t know but I was there, A Chevrolet mailbu rolled up with his O so cute décor on his car marking him for a cab. Our group of Nuts, Mcgee, Paq, erin, cassie and myself along with two other strangers piled into the car. It was quite uncomfortable as a matter of fact now that I am thinking about it. I would like give a big fuck you to paq who gleefully sat in the front as the two biggest fuckers stuffed themselves in the back with four other people. That was just plain shitty. It would have taken 32 mexicans to pack that backseat as much as we did that night. After arriving at the hotel the driver looked at us square in the face and with a chesser cat smile, allowing us to see his midnight black ass, demanded that we each pay him $20 dollars per person. That is right folks that is 20 US green backs. We told him what we thought of him, I mean I poked him in the shoulder whilst cussing at him told him where to stick as Paquette was barricading the door to make sure no one else besides himself could get in. Such a pussy, first you take the front seat and then you run from the black man that I am backing down.

More snapshot memories from the conclusion of the night were:

- Nuts passing out in the middle of the hallway between the rooms

- Myself falling on Lynn’s air mattress with a Ginormous thud, that one goes out to you Nutsy

- Waking up in the middle of the night to repossess the covers Cassie had stolen from me.

- Snoring like a pot of mucus was dumped down my nostrils and into my throat.

- Wondering why it takes Paq so long to get ready.

As we packed our cars we said our goodbyes as close friends readied themselves for a long trip home. I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend and will miss everyone who isn’t in the Carolina’s. We are all lucky to have such good friends.

It took me until late afternoon on Monday to get my head straight again.

- Pun