Round 2

So the following night after the toliet episode. Liver, Trey, and myself were set to meet Marc, his new girlfriend (Jodi), and her friend at La Paz, an entirely over price mexican restaurant in downtown Charlotte. We meet them out with little complication, the night has already gone better than the previous.

The three of us were presently surprised to meet Jodi's big titted friend Kelly. Seemed like a nice girl. We sit down to eat and Kelly seems to be looking rather hard at the menu as if to say she couldn’t find something to eat. I ask her if she knows what she wants, she replies with a no, I am vegetarian.

"Oh really, I’m not. I am sure they can bring you a bowl of lettuce."

She shoots me an empty stare and the game begins. How fast can I possibly piss this girl off by offending her eating habits. Not to say that mine are the best, I just couldn't ever be a vegetarian, and as you all know like to push people limits.

"So why don’t you like meat?"

"Its not that I don’t like meat, it just makes me sick to know that I am eating some poor defenseless animal. Don’t get me wrong I like the taste, it just physically makes me sick."

"Well you know that the animal you didn’t eat someone else is eating instead of you, namely me. And the animal really isn’t defenseless, it could have run."

By this time the whole table is digging into Kelly with rude comments about vegetarianism. Our food arrives and Kelly begins to pick into her vegetarian burrito to see if the Mexicans accidentally served her some chicken or beef.

"Watch out there may be some fat back in that burrito!"

"Ewww fat back is disgusting."

"You wouldn’t last five minutes in greenpond."

"Where’s that?"

"Do you know how they kill baby cows... They push a bolt into their head, they don’t even waste bullets on them."

"Stop, that’s gross."

"So you don’t eat chicken, beef, or seafood."

"No but I do wear leather jewelry."

.....

"So you shouldn’t kill a cow to eat it but you should kill it so you can wear it??? You fucking hypocrite."

"Well I can’t wear metal jewelry because I am allergic to it. I get like a poison Ivy rash on my arm when I wear it."

"Oh my God. Do you fly in planes?"

"Yeah."

"Why, you know they kill birds in the process right??? You shouldn’t fly in planes that’s against what you believe in."

After leaving La Paz we walk across the street to a bar. The two girls walk ahead of us and we start to discuss how quickly we could break this girl down, making her cry or any kind of public outburst. We decide it would probably after midnight, this girl has some thick skin. Beers are ordered and sit down at a table with big titties no meat girl sitting beside me. So I strike up a conversation asking her what she does, you know the normal bullshit. She replies that she is a manager of a Coffee shop. That’s not bad. So how did you get to Charlotte.

"Well I dropped out of high school and became homeless for a little while. Then I got married, then divorced, and meet a guy that lived down here so I followed him down here. I used to manage a Starbucks and I hated my job. So I broke up with my boyfriend, quite my job, and moved out to a new apartment."

"Really anything else interesting?"

"I recently had a really bad car accident and the insurance wont pay. I have short term memory loss due to the accident so, if forget something it’s not because I am ignoring you. A few weeks ago I left my car running in the parking lot and sometimes I forget to feed my dog. I feel like a horrible person. So what do you do."

"I'm an insurance adjuster, and I have to pee."

Promotions and Humbling Experieces!!

Wednesday I recieved a call from Oliver saying that we needed to celebrate his promotion the up coming weekend. He had only been in town for a few weeks and had yet to see the nightlife in Charlotte.

Friday roles around and the 5 oclock bell tolls and my happy ass belts for the door. I head straight for Trey's to start the drinking and prepare for the night. We grab some food and are on course to pick up a friend of his from work (female imagine that, alghough engaged) around 7. We finish dinner and hear from Trey's friend that she has already left so we head straight for Liver's place to pick him up. In route the question is proposed if we are in a rush to get downtown, because if not I could stand to make a pit stop.

We arrive at Liver's and undoubtedly make it known that i have to take a shit. "Dude, use the bathroom upstairs, these toliets suck. My dad was here last weekend and clogged every toliet." I could see the fear in Liver's eyes, as surely he saw the glory in mine. He knew his toliet was no match and would surely be doomed. He proceeded upstairs to give thorough intructions on how to operate the faulty equipment located in his condo.

"Hey pun what kind of dumping music would you like?"

"Something easy going."

I read a couple articles and proceeded to the later half of my duties, I thought better to give this lackluster toliet a hearty duty of a single flush and decide to go with the double maybe even triple.

This toliet stood absolutely no chance what-so-ever!!! The first flush accomplished absolutely nothing. As I stand there with my pants around my ankle and dirty water begging to over flow onto the bathroom floor, I begin to think damn what did I eat. Oh well, we'll worry about that later when its on the floor. The plunger is beside the toliet and before taking on this monumental task i decide to take care of business first, ridding the room of certain devices used in the process by the bath room trash can, which was later completely disposed of.



After several mintues of using the oldfashioned red bottomed plunger the water level had finally come down to the point that a second flush was appropriate. "Alright here we go. Come on you mother fucker." I pull the trigger and the water rushes down into the bowl, on to provide a faint gurgle and come rushing back up to the top. "Son of a..."

"Hey Liver, I fucked you're toliet up!!!"

"You got a plunger in there!"

"Yeah I tried that, got any tips, you dont really want to come in here though?!? Flush the toliet downstairs and I'll try again."

For another 5 minutes I stand over this fucking toliet doing my damndest to plunge as hard as possible without splashing this corn infested black water onto my toes, or the clothes i was about to wear downtown.



..........The water proceeds down and a thrid flush is attempted. All i can do is laugh as the water jumps back up. Plunge it again and again and again. Finally i walk downstairs with a loaded trashbag and toss it in the dumpster. "Liver, fuck your toliet lets go downtown, I turned the fan on it'll be fine."

He makes his way upstairs to witness first hand ground zero. The traumatic experience could be smelt half way up the staircase as I ask, "are you sure you want to do that?"

He walks in and out horrified, "Dude you gotta try again." Another attempt, another failure.







We call roto rooter, only to find out that they wont be able to make it for another half hour. The executive decision is made to make our way downtown and handle the excavation tomorrow morning.

We make our way downtown and as we near the city Trey's cell phone rings, as the girl we were supposed to provide transportation to earlier had begun to worry about us, with good reason.

"Hello"

"Where are you??"

"One of the guys clogged the toliet and we are a little late."

"Everyone is here, and some people were wondering where you were?"

"We'll be there in a minute."

I fucking hate you trey why did you have to say that. We enter RIRA's and make our way upstairs to the bar. I can only imagine the conversatin that awaits me as I meet his fellow co workers. We grad a drink and head to the outside porch. The first words mentioned are "Is that the guy that clogged the toliet." Of course they are going to think that the bigger guy clogged the fucking toliet. So just because I am a big man means i take bigger shits. Maybe I had oatmeal for breakfast bitch. Fuck you. I could not believe this shit was happening.

Later we entered the Twilight zone where we saw Anderson with a 14 year old girl, who he had snuck into the bar.

Ran into a bachlorette party where you needed to insert a dollar into a pair of tits and bite a lifesaver off of a nipple. That was a good time.

Trey introduced us to two women who at one point in the night were all over one of us.

Trey had yet another married women around his arm. What the fuck is going on???
If you didnt know Trey was proposed to by an unamed person that if given the word would break off her engagement. He is now on pace to break Lynn's home wrecker record.

I say he does both of them in one weekend and mails the dirty used condoms to their house with a note that says I know what your girlfriend did last weekend. ME!!!
If not him its going to be Marc Lynn.