Why is my Insurance agent asleep on the couch?

After spending a hellacious day at the office wondering why Art needed to torment me with the pointlessness of my presence at the work place. I fianally came to the conclusion that his life at home is dreadful. I have heard several accounts from his past employees that he absolutely dreads being in the same room with his wife. I should have come to this realization sooner as he never has anything positive to say about her and that most of his comments about his wife are directed towards her spending habits. Is this what we have to look forward to, I surely hope not? After finally leaving the office I headed home to meet up with Jewell, Costner, and Tootle along with others. I head over to Jewell's parents house while he irons his shirt and pants and we head out. Jewell and I head to corner pocket to shoot some pool and perform our usual shit talking. We finally meet up with Costner, Toots, and Jake (Costner's little brother). Costner informs us that he already misses New York and can't wait to get back. Damn I feel special. I try to feel out how much he enjoys it there and get the low down on the new lifestyle. We swap stories of drunken nights and deep throat women. The next comment knocked me out of my chair. With a straight face Costner says, "And you know what else is cool, the clothes you can buy there, I mean you could wear absolutely anything there and no one would care. Plus you can buy such a variety of clothing there that you can't get anywhere else." HUH... Did you really just say that?

Apparently the best part of coming back to S.C. for Jewell and Costner is that they are able to smoke in bars. It must be a huge difference and a pain in the ass. Drinks and shots are consumed as normal, and the word comes that Faiyaz and Viren are on their way. I can't tell you how nice it is to see all these fuckers at the same time. Its just like the good old days, and no matter how old we get we will be able to raise hell with the same verocity as always. I did my best to convince everyone that waffle house was the next stop but were unable to coordinate a successful midnight meal. Jewell and I try to find another bar with some old friends from G Vegas and wind up pissing on a door and walking back to the car. After what Jewell referred to as the best damn meal of his life, wafflehouse texas cheese steak plate, we made our way home. We hope in the car and Jewell directs me to his old apartment, all the while I am thinking he knows a shortcut. We get about a mile from his old residence and I realize he has no idea what he is talking about and offer up the suggestion that we should make an apperance anyway to visit then new tenats. After careful consideration, Jewell pussies out, everyone knows I would have done it.

The next morning I awake not really knowing where I am. I hate that feeling. I get dressed and make my way downstairs while Mi Yong is cleaning the kitchen i carefully slip out and make my way home, not wanting have her be confused by the strange, overnight guest that just so happens to be their Insurance Agent.

Man I can't wait for Monday night and New Years. It is going to be crazy and I am sure if I can remember it I will blog it as best I can.

Toilet Paper Airplane

My two week resignation period is almost up. Over the past week and a half my interest level in my current position has plummeted. The customers I was once so patient and understanding of, have grown to unnerve me. Their questions and incessant worrying has become a pain in my ass. Each passing minute I suppress the growing notion of walking out of my office and never looking back.

Today I was fortunate enough to have a bowel movement at work. I had rather spend my time sitting in community bath than speaking to the moronic public. As I sat relieving myself in the handicapped stall, the bright white roll of toilet paper caught my eye.

Side Note: I usually take the time to enjoy nature’s process.

I wondered to myself, what kind of origami shape came be made from the cheapest, roughest paper in the world. I began to think of the days when my father taught me how to make paper airplanes and wondered if I could hit the back wall I was facing with a Toilet paper airplane. I took two ply’s and began to meld it into a beautiful specimen my father would have scowled at. Seeing as how it is the shittiest toilet paper on earth, it does not hold its shape with great longevity. I made it work and somehow was successful in hitting the back wall.

…( no need to comment on the next proceedings)

As I made my way back into the office I noticed my boss and a customer, accompanied by her son were in the lobby chatting. As I glided through the lobby I greeted the customer and placed the key to the restroom back upon the front desk. I stood in the lobby as the conversation proceeded and just before the customer was about to leave the small child looked in my direction and said, “Is that a toilet paper airplane stuck to your shoe?”

Resignations and Deep Throat II

Disclaimer: I have made the mistake of giving family members the address to this site. If you wish to not be disturbed please disregard the following post. In other words

MOM, DO NOT READ THIS DAMNIT!!!!

Last night I had my second meeting with Big Brothers and Big Sisters, to become a big brother. On the first meeting I had meet a lovely lady around my age who I had hoped would be at the meeting last night and was. I had planned to make myself available in a sleazy way to the beaut. The following is how last night played out.

I met Trace at the Starbucks and began our interview with a couple of documents that needed to be signed. I was quickly interrupted with a phone call from a previous interview for a new job.

Phone Conversation with potential Employer.

Pun – Hello

Mac – Hi, Pun How are you?

Pun – Doing well thank you, how are you?

Mac – Doing fairly well, how would you like to come work for us.

(Fist Pump, Jig, Break dance, odd stares from local street life)

Pun – It would be my pleasure, thank you very much.

Mac – The starting salary is three times as much as you make now.

Pun – That sounds like enough. (Under my breath I am screaming, I’m bout to get paid bitch.)

Mac – You’ll need to take a drug test within the next three days, call me in the morning to get the number.

Pun – Thanks again, I’ll speak with you in the morning.

(More fist pumps and stares)

I returned to the interview and thought of asking Trace to leave for a beer but thought that she might not be a drinker or it might not be the most indelible impression as a soon to be big brother. So the interview proceeds on trying to impress her with funny stories and so on. One of the questions being, how do you invision meeting your Little Brother for the first time.

Pun – It might be a little awkward but I would have dinner with the family to break the ice.

Trace – Don’t you remember I told you we would go together to the home for dinner.

Pun – Sorry I am on cloud nine right now.

Trace – I am not having dinner alone with you.

Pun – I meant to talk to you about that after the interview.

The interview continued on and after she asked if I would walk her to her car, because of the foot traffic parading the streets. I did and went home calling everyone in my phone book willing to have their eardrums burst as I hollered “I’m bout to get paid nigga.” I assembled the crew in town and we head to Chubbies 16 x 84 x 57 x 73. Tequila, beer, and more shots were consumed in my honor. Camron made an appearance and had a lovely dame with him, who’s boobs were sufficiently exceeding her shirt. The night progressed and while a lull was in the conversation as there usually are with women. Katherine says to me, “ I can do a trick with your beer bottle.” With Julien, and I’s attention I handed over the bottle and she began to deep throat it. As I pushed back specific urges my jaw hit my crotch area and didn’t help the situation. We were both speechless and my next comment was I bet you didn’t learn how to do that on a bottle. She hands me my beer back and as I take a sip of my beer which tastes better because her trachea juices are on it, Camron makes the smooth comment that her ex boyfriend had herpes. Sweet. So I gather the guys around again and say, “Hey ya’ll watch this.” She repeats previous action with fresh beer bottle and I am not deterred from drinking the beer. The night passes on and I realize I have a job to attend in the morning. I head home.

The next morning I get a call from a friend at the bar.

Buddy – Last night was awesome.

Pun – I was pretty wasted.

Buddy – You’ll never guess what happened last night.

Pun – What???

Buddy – That Katherine girl came over and deep throated my cock!!!

Pun – Awesome, how the hell did that happen?

Buddy – She got my number from that text message I sent her to check if she could get those. She said she was driving around drunk and wondered what I was doing. When we left the bar she told me I was hot, and then I asked her to come over.

Pun – So she just started blowing you?

Buddy – No we talked for five minutes then she was in my bed nekked, and I was like damn. Then she deep throated my cock and it was bad ass.

Pun – (In my high pitched voice) That’s the shit. I bet you didn’t last three seconds did you? (Mind I am standing in an office where any customer can walk in at any minute unannounced saying this.)

Buddy – No It was a little longer than that but it was probably the best I’ve ever had besides maybe one time. Damn.

Pun - We should call her this weekend so I can do it. (More fist pumps, and break dancing.) That’s so awesome.

Buddy – Ok

Pun – I gotta go I’ll see you at the gym.

Buddy – Later.

Now I am off to resign from my current employer.

Resignations and Deep Throat

Disclaimer: I have made the mistake of giving family members the address to this site. If you wish to not be disturbed please disregard the following post. In other words

MOM, DO NOT READ THIS DAMNIT!!!!

Last night I had my second meeting with Big Brothers and Big Sisters, to become a big brother. On the first meeting I had meet a lovely lady around my age who I had hoped would be at the meeting last night and was. I had planned to make myself available in a sleazy way to the beaut. The following is how last night played out.

I met Trace at the Starbucks and began our interview with a couple of documents that needed to be signed. I was quickly interrupted with a phone call from a previous interview for a new job.

Phone Conversation with potential Employer.

Pun – Hello

Mac – Hi, Pun How are you?

Pun – Doing well thank you, how are you?

Mac – Doing fairly well, how would you like to come work for us.

(Fist Pump, Jig, Break dance, odd stares from local street life)

Pun – It would be my pleasure, thank you very much.

Mac – The starting salary is three times as much as you make now.

Pun – That sounds like enough. (Under my breath I am screaming, I’m bout to get paid bitch.)

Mac – You’ll need to take a drug test within the next three days, call me in the morning to get the number.

Pun – Thanks again, I’ll speak with you in the morning.

(More fist pumps and stares)

I returned to the interview and thought of asking Trace to leave for a beer but thought that she might not be a drinker or it might not be the most indelible impression as a soon to be big brother. So the interview proceeds on trying to impress her with funny stories and so on. One of the questions being, how do you invision meeting your Little Brother for the first time.

Pun – It might be a little awkward but I would have dinner with the family to break the ice.

Trace – Don’t you remember I told you we would go together to the home for dinner.

Pun – Sorry I am on cloud nine right now.

Trace – I am not having dinner alone with you.

Pun – I meant to talk to you about that after the interview.

The interview continued on and after she asked if I would walk her to her car, because of the foot traffic parading the streets. I did and went home calling everyone in my phone book willing to have their eardrums burst as I hollered “I’m bout to get paid nigga.” I assembled the crew in town and we head to Chubbies 16 x 84 x 57 x 73. Tequila, beer, and more shots were consumed in my honor. Camron made an appearance and had a lovely dame with him, who’s boobs were sufficiently exceeding her shirt. The night progressed and while a lull was in the conversation as there usually are with women. Katherine says to me, “ I can do a trick with your beer bottle.” With Julien, and I’s attention I handed over the bottle and she began to deep throat it. As I pushed back specific urges my jaw hit my crotch area and didn’t help the situation. We were both speechless and my next comment was I bet you didn’t learn how to do that on a bottle. She hands me my beer back and as I take a sip of my beer which tastes better because her trachea juices are on it, Camron makes the smooth comment that her ex boyfriend had herpes. Sweet. So I gather the guys around again and say, “Hey ya’ll watch this.” She repeats previous action with fresh beer bottle and I am not deterred from drinking the beer. The night passes on and I realize I have a job to attend in the morning. I head home.

Now I am off to resign from my current employer.